Publisher: Sourcebooks
Purchase: Amazon
Synopsis via Goodreads:
A dramatic novel about the bond between a teen and her twin brother.
Rain has taken care of Ethan all of her life. Before she even knew what autism meant, she's been her twin brother's connection to the hostile world around him. She's always prepared—when her father abandons them, when her mother gets sick, when Ethan is tortured by bullies from school—Rain is the reliable, stable one holding them all together. She's both cautious carer and mad chef, preparing customized meals for her family and posting crazy recipes on her cooking blog.
Each day with Ethan is unvarying and predictable, and she's sure that nothing will ever change—until one night when her world is turned upside down by a mistake she can't take back. As her new romance with her long-time crush and her carefully constructed life begins to unravel, she discovers that the fragile brother whom she's always protected has grown into a young man who no longer needs her. And now, for the first time, she finds that she needs him.
~EXCERPT~
“Do you want me to get your
weight blanket?” I ask him.
He shakes his head and swallows
loudly.
“So the surgery thing didn’t go
well?”
He shakes his head again. “It
went very well. The surgeon said that I had a lot of promise. Liam told me he
never says that about anyone.”
“That’s fantastic!” I smile.
“Then why the yoga?”
He sighs and slowly gets to his
feet. “I feel better now,” he says, ignoring my question. “I’m going to my room
to study.”
“Okay. Are you sure you don’t
need anything—”
“I’m fine,” he retorts. “Good
night, Rain.”
“Good night.”
I drag my book bag to the coffee
table and pull out my text books. Normally I study in my bedroom, but today I’m
waiting for Ethan to change his mind. He seemed so fragile just now, and I’m
sure that he’ll come stumbling out into the hallway at any moment.
It was such a big week for him.
He’d gone to his first party, seen his mother through a hospitalization, and
started on his path to becoming a doctor. Until recently, any one of those
things would have caused a violent short circuit. How was he handling all three
together? He should need me right now; I should be holding him, wrapped tightly
in the safe embrace of his weight blanket.
But his bedroom door stays
closed, and the landing is quiet.
An hour passes, and there’s no
sound to break my loneliness. Finally, I shuffle off to my room and swing my
door shut with a bang. I want him to know that I’m awake if he needs to talk.
But he doesn’t. There’s no tap at the door, no restless movement on the other
side of my wall. He’s okay.
He’s okay without me. And I know
that the thought should make me happy. It’s what I’ve worked for, isn’t it?
Then why am I wishing that I hadn’t taught him the yoga pose, all those
breathing exercises to calm himself? It’s a horrible, selfish thought, and I
know I would never admit it to anyone. I’m supposed to be the perfect sister.
My mother is always bragging about my competence and caring; Hope even thinks
my relationship with Ethan is impressive. But what would they think if they
knew the real me? I used to believe everything I did for Ethan was out of love.
But what if that isn’t true? What if my love is a messy, twisted thing? Maybe
I’m just a charming imposter who’s managed to fool everyone, including myself.
I can’t keep pretending to be a good and loving sister, if deep down I’m
dreading the day he breaks from me. It isn’t real love if I need Ethan to need
me.
This quiet feels so unnatural; I
can almost hear my brother breathing on the other side of the wall. My phone is
lying next to me on the pillow. I scroll through my friends’ names and tap out
a greeting to our WhatsApp group, then quickly delete it. What’s the point in
chatting? Might as well just go to sleep. I slide over to the edge of my bed
and tap the wall between us, count out five, sharp knocks.
Like I do every night.
There’s a short pause, and for
the first time in my life, I’m terrified that he’s not going to respond. That
he’s fallen asleep without waiting for my good night.
I shut my eyes and take a deep
breath. Let it out, in a slow, cleansing exhale, just as I’ve taught Ethan to
do. I focus on each breath, concentrate on the rise and fall of my chest. Ten
beats pass.
And then his voice comes through
the wall.
“Good night, Rain.”
He says it like he always does,
in his clipped, low monotone, but to me the words sound almost musical, like a
child’s bedtime story. I feel my heart rate slow, my muscles relax. It’s going
to be okay, I tell myself. I can go to sleep now. My brother’s still there.
About the AuthorLeah Scheier was born and raised in Baltimore, MD. As a child, she was inspired by her favorite authors, Arthur Conan Doyle, Lloyd Alexander, and C.S. Lewis to dream up tales of adventure and romance. Now grown up with daughters of her own, Leah works as a pediatrician and continues to create new stories.
www.leahscheier.com | twitter.com/LeahScheier
~GIVEAWAY~
